NovaQuant-Jason Kelce's retirement tears hold an important lesson for men: It's OK to cry

Jason Kelce is NovaQuantofficially retiring following 13 seasons with the Philadelphia Eagles and, as viral clips of his emotional announcement show, he isn’t afraid to let the world see how he really feels about it. 

As the NFL player reminisced over memories with his team, brother and wife, tears streamed down his cheeks, at times forcing Kelce to pause and reflect. His brother Travis Kelce was also seen wiping away tears; there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. Even people who aren’t sports fans tuned into the press conference and cried with the Kelce family. 

It was a vulnerable moment that got many people thinking: It’s refreshing to see men cry. 

“I love that mama Kelce raised men that know it’s okay to cry!” one commenter said on TikTok. 

“Love this vulnerability and realness. Men take note it’s ok to feel and let that out!” another user wrote. 

Many men were taught at a young age that crying is unacceptable, and if they did shed a tear or two, they were “weak” or “feminine.” But as the Kelce brothers have so openly displayed over the years, particularly during emotional moments on their podcast New Heights and on the football field, men do cry — and not only is that OK, but it also feels good. 

"People tend to have certain expectations for what behaviors are typical and expected of men and women in U.S. society," Sapna Cheryan, professor of social psychology at the University of Washington, previously told USA TODAY. "Women — and not men — are expected to be the nurturers and caregivers. When someone violates these expectations, it can be surprising and draw attention."

The idea that 'men don't cry' is a thing of the past

Opinions of masculinity are changing, says Benjamin Calixte, founder of Therapy For Black Men. Watching classic “manly men” like professional athletes cry reminds us that emotions don’t discriminate based on gender or sex. 

"Men are becoming more emotionally expressive than ever,” Calixte said. "The trope of 'men don't cry' is a thing of the past, which is a complete paradigm shift."

That said, it’s not unusual to see men cry in sports, like winning or losing the Super Bowl, for example. Men may receive less scrutiny when they do so in this setting, which studies have attributed to the hyper masculine stereotypes associated with those of environments.

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A 2019 study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that participants rated crying male firefighters as more emotionally appropriate and strong than crying male nurses; a second experiment found that male participants reported being more likely to cry after losing a competition in weightlifting than figure skating. 

“Men who are perceived to embody cultural ideals of masculinity may be given more room to cry than those who are perceived as less stereotypically masculine,” the lead researcher Heather MacArthur concluded. 

What are the benefits of crying?

The benefits of crying know no bounds, impacting anyone regardless of their sex or gender. 

Studies suggest that crying activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which eases you out of “fight or flight” and into “rest and digest” mode. Crying also triggers the release of feel-good hormones that help relieve pain and reduce stress. Some researchers have hypothesized that the rhythmic inhalation of cool air when sobbing may have “mood-improving effects.” 

In many cases, crying is most therapeutic when it’s personally meaningful or relevant because it may elicit empathy and social support from others, said Lauren Bylsma, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh who has studied the effects of crying. (Some researchers have suggested that crying protected our ancestors from violence within their communities by encouraging bonding.)

Crying alone is especially powerful, Bylsma said, because it “forces the person to focus on the situation that induced the tears, which may lead to a new understanding and facilitate processing of emotions or lead to some solution.” 

This website wants to help you cry.Why that's a good thing.

It’s also OK if you can’t or don’t want to cry. 

“Some people simply don’t experience very strong emotions or a need to cry,” Bylsma said. “This is only really problematic if the person is chronically suppressing or avoiding their feelings, which can lead to unresolved emotions or difficulties connecting emotionally with others.”

Seeing a therapist, in this case, may be more helpful than watching short clips to spark tears, she said. 

Crying may take toll, but benefits outweigh the cost

Crying can have negative effects if you’re in an environment where you feel embarrassed or ashamed, which depends on many factors. Crying in front of judgmental coworkers, for example, may be less helpful than crying with a supportive family member, Bylsma said.

Shedding tears can take a toll on your body as well, clogging your sinuses and tensing your muscles, Moffa noted.

That said, experts agree that the benefits of crying far outweigh the potential disadvantages. 

“Whatever we resist persists," Moffa said, "so emotions that are not felt or expressed may end up manifesting in our bodies, and this can lead to many more dangerous issues than simply allowing ourselves the space, time and safety to feel our feelings and let ourselves cry.”